January 2010


It’s Sunday, my least favorite day of the week, but one I look forward to because I can talk about something other than wedding-mania on this blog-o-mine.  Funny thing is, what I’m going to write about sort of ties in to wedding plans in a roundabout way.

We need to find a new place to live.  Right now I’m staying in a condo rented to me by a family member who is trying to sell it.  The deal she is giving me is incredible, not to mention this place is pretty darn cushy.  It has taken quite awhile for this place to sell so I’ve been living in it for longer than what was originally planned, but I have a gut feeling it’ll be selling very soon.  Not only because there are some people interested, but because my aunt is really desperate to sell it and the price keeps getting lower.

So, in the middle of winter, we’re off to find a new place.  Problem is, not a lot of places are for sale in the middle of winter in Wisconsin.  Because, really…who moves in the middle of winter?  Only me.  Both last year and this year.  Fun stuff.

Tony really wants to rent a quaint little house in Cedarburg, which would be fine and dandy with me, but we can’t find anything for rent right now.  So we’ve moved on to looking at some of the apartment buildings too…and…eh.

Here’s where the wedding ties in.  His parents (and a little bit of my parents also) have weighed in on us forgoing the wedding and putting the money towards a new house.  Which is completely and utterly practical.  But it makes me sad.

I get it.  I know about the credit we’d get if we bought now.  I know about how much more responsible it’d be to buy a house instead of to piss it away on a wedding.  But I can still feel sad about the fact that I’m getting all kinds of practical pressure to skip the wedding I’ve thought about since I was knee high in order to buy a house that I’m not sure we could afford at the moment anyhow.

It bums me out because while I know weddings are such a huge waste of money, I also feel they’re important in a weird way.  We’re human.  We wake up at 6 in the morning, roll out of bed, battle traffic and bad weather to get to our crappy jobs and then we come home, watch a couple t.v. shows, make a little dinner and then go to bed to start it all over again.  It’s pessimistic, but it’s sorta the truth when it boils down.

What do we work so hard for?  We work to make money.  And what is life if we can’t put some of that money towards enjoying our existence once in awhile?  To throw a big party to celebrate your love?  To take an extravagant vacation with your family?  As humans, I think these big events are what makes the day to day worth it.  The motivating drive behind why we do the not-so-fun things we do.

So maybe I’m trying to convince myself that having a wedding (on a fairly reasonable budget I believe…I don’t think we’re breaking the bank and we’re certainly not going into debt for it) is something I should be allowed to feel ‘ok’ about.  But instead I’m just feeling all around guilty.

Whoa – you’ve now officially met the bummed out pessimistic Cheeky Bride.  And somehow, in a twist of fate, this blog topic has gone back to being about weddings.  Can’t stay away!

Tomorrow I will try damn hard to talk about something else.  And I promise it’ll be on a lighter note.

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I vow to stop leaving my dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is clearly empty and only 2 feet away.

I vow to stop picking out and eating all the really red, juiciest looking watermelon from the tupperware and then leaving the rest in the refridgerator for you to have later.

I vow to stop referring to your XBox as “The Other Woman.”

I vow to trust your judgment when the meat is actually done. 

I vow to learn how to cook something…anything…and put a little bit of garlic in it.  Just for you.

I vow to stop rolling my eyes when you tell me I’m beautiful.

I vow to stop asking you which shoes go better with an outfit.  I know they all look the same to you.

I vow to stop trying to shove the last little remnants of soap down the drain and clogging it.

I vow to let you pick the movies every once in awhile.  I know they can’t all be comedies.

I vow to stop putting my ice cold hands up under your shirt and calling it “The Oven.”

Oh yeah…and all that other stuff about respecting and obeying…yadda, yadda, yadda…I vow that too.

I think I’ve mentioned before that my cousin Margaret is a bride-to-be herself.  This morning I saw that she had written on her blog and so I checked it out.  And what she wrote about really hit close to home.

To sum up, her blog post talked about feeling overwhelmed by staying within budget while also accomodating the number of people on her invite list.  And how to include all the little luxuries like an open bar, etc.  And then she goes on to question whether she can afford to invite 175 people or if she should, sadly, cut her invite list back.  You could just feel the stress ooze from the writing.  And I totally got it.

Her blog post spoke to me because I felt like she was writing everything I have been feeling for the past year while wedding planning.  So I left a little comment on the bottom of her post saying that, using her as inspiration, I was going to write out my own similar feelings about this overwhelming time between engagement and marriage.

I so know where she is coming from.  Tony and I have been blessed to have our parents contribute money to the wedding, but the majority of the big day will come out of our pocketbooks (and my change jar…teehee).  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned while trying to plan this damn wedding it’s that weddings aren’t cheap (I saw you roll your eyes and say “duh!” – yeah, I’m watching you…look out your window.  There I am.  “Hi!”)

I felt so incredibly overwhelmed in the beginning.  And I still feel incredibly overwhelmed now thinking about all the crazy expenses that go into making the day so special.  We tried to keep our guest list super low (85-100 people low), but it still feels like the budget creeps higher and higher as we go along.

The problem is finding the balance.  I don’t mind saving money where I can, but I don’t want to cheap out on things that are important to me.  I could care less about a cake.  Seriously.  But I wasn’t giving in on the open bar or the photography.  And that will set us back quite a bit.

It starts to get overwhelming when you start to add the little things, too.  Parking expenses, limos, hair and makeup, wedding bands, suit rentals, music, decor…the list goes on (and add up, it does).

I guess my long, rambling post doesn’t do much good but vent, but I wanted to let Margaret and all the other bride-to-be’s out there know that I totally feel ya.  You aren’t alone in stressing about the money and different options.   And you’ll get lots of advice from everyone that says “The day is about the two of you,” “Don’t worry about this or that,” but I know sometimes it’s easy to bypass the advice because it’s something we already know.  But really…it IS true.  At the end of the day, you’ll have bagged yourself a husband and that’s the important part, right?

So Margaret – hang in there.  Do what feels right for you and Beau and everything else will fall into place.  Save where you can (economy=bad in general, but a good time to finagle some good deals from vendors).  And remember – nobody’s going to remember if you served the cheaper wine.

Could anybody use a job right now?  I can’t pay much because any extra money I have goes to paying for an open bar (for you people to get drunk at my wedding…you can thank me on the big day in a slurred, arm around the shoulder, invading my bubble kind of way).  But I would pay you something to come rub my shoulders and help ease this awful headache.

Added monetary bonus if you do my grocery shopping as we are now out of oatmeal packets and surviving solely on the Saltine crackers.

Oh my head.  My aching head.

Guess who’s sick?  This gal.  Ugh – I hate being sick. 

This is what was on my original agenda for the day (a.k.a. – before I got sick):

    1.) Go to the gym

    2.) Call apartment listings

    3.) Call my girls Kristen and Sarah because, duh, heellllo bad friend Katie!

    4.) Go to the grocery store so I can stop living off of Saltine crackers and old packets of oatmeal.

    5.) Walk down 1 flight of stairs to get the mail.

What I’ve actually DONE today:

    1.) Laid on couch and watched What Not To Wear reruns.

That’s it.  Were you expecting more?  Oh, and by the way, I still haven’t gotten my mail yet.  It’s 9 at night.  1 flight of stairs, that’s all! 

Oy vey.  Thank goodness for Tony (we’re back in hunky dory land, in case you worried from that one post)  He just brought me Noodles.  With extra cheese.  Maybe I can convince him to go get the mail…

Ok, I’m going to say this just this once and just this once only…

I actually felt a wee baby bit sad for Brett Favre yesterday.  Hence the title of this post.  That IS a miracle.

Before the game started I was talking loads of smack, asking (forcing) Tony to declare allegience to the Saints and yelling every couple seconds at the TV, “Kick the shit out him boys!  Bring that old man to the ground!”

And then when it started to happen more and more…I started to feel kind of…what do you call this emotion?  Kinda bad…

I am not a Brett Favre fan.  I wasn’t even a big Brett Favre fan when he was on the Packers – the man was unpredictable (cough, interceptions much?).  And then add this whole waffling back and forth.  And then throw in the fact that Packer fans tend to be a little crazy about their team.  And you have one giant mess that he made.

I get it.  He wanted to play football.  But for the Vikings?  Really, Brett?  Really? 

Anyhow – by 4th quarter yesterday I was sitting on the couch next to Tony who was starting to waffle on his allegience (a.k.a. he kept going to cheer when the Vikings would do something good and then look at  me really quick out of sheer panic that I was going to bite him) and suddenly I started to wish deep down that the Vikings might actually pull through.

God – a little part of my soul just died right there and then when I wrote that.

Anyhow – that was the miracle that occurred yesterday.  I’m still trying to digest that.

Moving on to wedding business.  I went and tried on wedding dresses today.  I went to a little shop in Cedarburg and the lady who helped me was so darn friendly.  I want to write a whole paragraph about how I found the one, but alas, it was not meant to be I guess.

I think I was a little thrown off by the process.  I’m not sure if this is how a lot of salons operate, but she took me into the area where they had the dresses and had me pick through them for ones I like.  Have you ever seen a big, frou frou wedding dress in a bag?  It just looks like a bag full of material.  It’s hard to envision what that big ball of material will look like on your body.  So my boo, Allie, and I started picking anything that looked half-way decent and the first round was a bust.  Nothing grabbed me.

The next round I had a little help from the consultant who took what we learned from the first round and pulled some dresses she thought would look good.  By the end of the appointment I had about 4 dresses I liked.  But “like” is the operative word.  Nothing that thrilled me.  No tears or huge exclamations like “this is the one!”  I did love things about each dress so I had her write them all down and when my mom comes to visit in 2 months we’ll revisit the shop.  Problem is -3 of the 4 are over budget.  Because of the way we picked the dresses, there really wasn’t much of a budget talk.

Walking away from this experience, I feel a little…overwhelmed.

1.) I WILL get bossy with the players.  They know when I use my strict voice and stare directly at the TV while saying “You stop that drive right now” that I am dead serious and will be very unhappy if they don’t obey.

2.) I WILL hyperventilate or forget to breathe.  One or the other.  It gets scary when both happen.

3.) Utter silence during.  That is all.  Do not break this rule or we will not be watching football together again.  Ever.

4.)  If it’s a game in which I’m not personally invested in either team, I will always root for the team with the cuter quarterback.

5.) I prefer Tony to be out of the room/house/building/time zone while an important game is happening.  His ambivilance towards football is bad juju for my guys.  And we cannot have this.

6.) If it’s Packer football, you will see every personality disorder in the psychology handbook emerge in me.  This can be scary.  I am aware.

If this does not deter you from joining me (or still wanting to be my friend), then we’ll get along really well and you’re invited to come join me every Sunday in the fall.  Knowing CPR is a plus.

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