To The People Upstairs:

Riddle me this:  Are your grandchildren 600 pounds each?  Do you feed them pure sugar, or better yet, mainline it into their little veins?  Are you a very athletic family that holds marathon practice in your hardwood floor living room every Sunday night?

Next Sunday I assume there will be a repeat of your little hellraisers running from room to room while I take my place in the corner, rocking back and forth, banging my head against the wall. 

I am devising a plan to find the kids of YOUR upstairs neighbors and treating them to a well-rounded dinner of some of my favorite recipes – Sugar Chicken, Sugar Potatoes, Sugar Pasta and then, of course, dessert.

Your Unamused Downstairs Neighbor Who is ThisClose to Pounding On My Ceiling With a Yardstick,