1.) I WILL get bossy with the players.  They know when I use my strict voice and stare directly at the TV while saying “You stop that drive right now” that I am dead serious and will be very unhappy if they don’t obey.

2.) I WILL hyperventilate or forget to breathe.  One or the other.  It gets scary when both happen.

3.) Utter silence during.  That is all.  Do not break this rule or we will not be watching football together again.  Ever.

4.)  If it’s a game in which I’m not personally invested in either team, I will always root for the team with the cuter quarterback.

5.) I prefer Tony to be out of the room/house/building/time zone while an important game is happening.  His ambivilance towards football is bad juju for my guys.  And we cannot have this.

6.) If it’s Packer football, you will see every personality disorder in the psychology handbook emerge in me.  This can be scary.  I am aware.

If this does not deter you from joining me (or still wanting to be my friend), then we’ll get along really well and you’re invited to come join me every Sunday in the fall.  Knowing CPR is a plus.