I’ve been feeling really down about something at work lately.  It’s too complicated to explain, and because this is the big, bad internet and its little internet-y fingers reach long and far, I should probably refrain from bitching about work on the blog, anyway.  But just know I’m thinking bitchy thoughts.  Just know that.

So what’s a girl to do to turn that frown upside down?  Why, take pictures of her shoe collection, of course.

Like…duh.

So in no particular order (because, really now, how do you choose a favorite?  These are like my children and you wouldn’t pick favorites with your children, right?  Right, Mom?  Mom?) here are just a few of my favorite little pretties.  (And I can call them “pretties” without it being weird because I’m running this ship.  If I refer to them as that outside of the blog, though, it’s fair game for you to smack me and demand I stop being a such a moron.)

The new kids on the block

These are my newest bad boys.  And they’re so rocker chic.  And it’s alright to be jealous.  But try to play it cool, next time.  Drooling isn’t very lady-like.

Let me preface these by saying – oh how I love thee, leopard print.  I have walked these shoes into the ground.  Correction – I have run these into the ground.  Because I most often wear these to places of the speakeasy persuasion, I get on this kick of proving to people how fast my leopard shoes are.  So if you ever saw a girl running awkwardly down the sidewalk in leopard heels, while a bunch of people laugh behind her, that may or may not have been me.  I myself am proud of my heel-running skills.  It’s an art skill.  One I will one day prove when I run a marathon in heels (my ankles just perked up and said, “wait, what’s up?”)

But, I digress.  These shoes don’t really need an explanation beyond that, though.  Just a sound effect.  Like “purrr.”  Also, you might hear a “hoofing” noise, because sometimes I pretend I’m stomping them like a horse about to take off full-speed.  (And I get that a horse is a whole different species of animal than a leopard, but the Captain has a tendency to blur my knowledge of biology).  It’s when the “hoofing” starts, that Tony usually turns to me in the bar and takes the drink out of my hand.  These shoes are like a red dress.  They can sometimes get you into trouble.

I have a boo-boo. Please tell Katie to stop running in me.

Tweedle-Dee

Tweedle-Dum

Someone said more leopard print, yeah?

These shoes have a french accent.  Oh, oui, they do.

Are giraffes fast runners too? 

In keeping with the animal theme, I shall dub thee, “The Rhino.”

All these animal print shoes are starting to make me feel a little Cruela Deville.  I promise, no animal was hurt in the making of these shoes.  None of the fuzzy-variety at least.

My wallet was hurt in the buying of all these shoes, though.  But how can a girl with such cute shoes throw a pity party, c’mon?!

Could it be?  More animal print?  Jesus, woman!  You’re not a zookeeper!

Every respectable woman needs at least 1 pair of red pumps in her closet.  That’s why I have 2.

And if I could figure out an animal that is such an unnatural shade of red, like above, I would give these their animal counterpart as well.  But, alas, the animal kingdom wasn’t constructed like a rainbow.

These are foolish, foolish shoes.  My feet hate me after these.  And my feet are pretty used to being contorted into different animal shapes, let me tell ya’. 

But they’re so pretty.  And what I wouldn’t do for pretty “pretties.”

Do we need a break?  Come up for air?  Have you been wondering how my feet aren’t completely squished into little balls at the end of my legs? 

Want to know a secret?  I usually wear these with wool socks.  So when you see me in these next, don’t pull up my pant leg.  Unless you want to admire my fashionista new-trend attempts.

Pay no attention to the dirt on the heel.  Trekking to the bars in Wisconsin can bring you across such natural elements as rain, snow and mud.  Things no glorious shoe should have to encounter. 

Uh oh.  The bully’s in town.  Trying to mess up the flow with its practical soles and tedious laces.

It’s cool, though.  We know who’s boss around here still.

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