It is exactly 9:41 p.m., Monday night, September the 13th. 

At this precise moment, I am hoarding not 1…not 2…but 7 Michael’s coupons for 50% off.

 They are squirreled away in a pocket in my purse as I literally plan out how to use all 7 before they expire.  Did I mention you can only use one a day?  And you make a good point when you roll your eyes at me and tell me I can technically walk out of the store and walk back in, but…I can’t do that.  It’s the honest conscience.  It just won’t let me.  It can be such a pain sometimes.

I have mapped out my week as follows.  Tomorrow I will drive to the Michael’s that is nearer to my bank.  Then, on the way home, I will visit the Michael’s closest to my home.  Wednesday will be only one stop because I work the second job.  But Thursday – Hallelujah!  Tony is home.  That means I can drag his butt to Michael’s and force him to stand in line with the second coupon.  Because even though the cashier totally knows it’s not a mere coincidence that we both are buying the exact same thing…and that as a male he probably isn’t adding to his lovely collection of vases at home…she can’t do a damn thing about it.  I’m following the rules, woman!  Try and stop me from forcing my miserable looking fiancée to Michael’s to buy crafty items of which he has no interest!  Juuuuust try!

When I first started wedding planning, I asked myself a few questions.  The most important was as follows:

“Hey self, how ya’ doin’?  How do you feel about crafts?”

In which I answered:

“You know…I don’t do many crafts, but I think I like them.  And if it saves me a few pocket coins, I think I could get by. Also, you’re having a good hair day.  I don’t tell you that enough.”

The thing about me is…well…I’m ambitious.  And not cautiously ambitious, which is probably the better thing to be.  I’m the girl who looks through Martha Stewart Magazine and decides I could so create my own handmade pillows using toothpicks, thimbles and just a bit of masking tape. 

(Really comfortable, FYI.  The toothpicks are to thank.)

One summer, long ago, I even checked out a bunch of books from the library about macrame.  My room looked like the 1970s barfed up plant hangers all up in my window space.  I do believe that might have been my go-to gift of the year as well.  So if you know of a 2004 Katie original floating around somewhere, please note that goes for top bucks on Ebay.

So, my main point being that I tend to go a little overboard when I try my hand at the crafting.  My brain thinks I’m some MacGyver when it comes to finding my way around a hot glue gun, but the product outcome begs to differ.  Except the macrame.  Those were some pretty groovy plant hangers.

When I first started this blog, I wrote a post about using manzanita branches for a guest card table.  It was a bit much, what with all the mirrors and crystals and…branchy-ness.  So I reworked my vision and am happy to say, I finally have created something crafty…but pretty darn good.  I only managed to break one vase, inhale glitter down my esophagus and crush just a few mini ornaments.  All in all…success. 

I do exaggerate a little in this post (except about the inhaling of glitter.  I wouldn’t kid about sparklicious little speckles of carcinogen coating my windpipe).  While it took a lot of trial and error (and countless trips to Michael’s), I have narrowed down a few crafts of which I think I can accomplish.  Without making me nutty.  But maybe making Tony nutty.  As he stands in line.  At Michael’s.  With a coupon.

(Picture Grumpy from the Seven Dwarves.  But with a bandana instead of a stocking cap.)

See how I brought that full circle?  I’m so good.  Or just really tired.  You be the judge about my lame attempts at humor during this post.  I can’t be on all the time, people!

Annnnnd here comes the moment when I realize I’m actually starting to pick a fight with my blog readers about how I’m assuming they’re judging the un-funniness of this post.  When did this spiral downward so quick? 

Next post – a step by step guide on how I’m making the table numbers.  For all you brides out there who are actually looking to my blog as a DIY wedding resource guide.  Laugh not, people!