It is Monday morning and I am not at work.  But before you start worrying about the state of my occupational status, let me inform you that I took off for today.  Jealousy is an awful thing, you guys.  How’s your workday going?

Oh that was cruel.  Just like how I’m going to tell you I slept until 11 this morning.  Super cruel.

Anyway, the reason I took off for today was because I had this weird feeling I would need an extra day of recovery.  After all, it was my Bachelorette Party this weekend.

I have some pretty, freakin’ amazing b-maids.  Here’s how it went down.

The party was being held down in Chicago at one my best friend, Tiffany’s, new condo.  So my other bff, Allie, and I hopped in the car and took a drive down on Saturday.  I had no idea what they had planned.  And I was a little nervous for my liver.  Because if you knew my friends…you’d be nervous too.

Please make room, Tiff. I will be moving into your beautiful condo in a week. Ok, good, thanks.


The night was a blast.  They, and my other good friend Kristen, surprised me with a dinner of Lou Malnati’s.  Any of you readers from Chicago?  If you are, you’ll know of Lou Malnati’s.  It’s a pizza chain in Chicago that makes the most wicked Chicago deep dish on the planet.  In fact, that would be my last meal on death row.  Not that I’m planning on being on death row or anything.

Next we opened fun Bachelorette party gifts.  Of which I’ll spare you the details because my grandma reads this blog, for gosh sakes!

Hi Grandma!  We had such a fun night knitting and watching scary movies!

Aww, how'd you guys know candy jewelry was my wedding day look?

After our “flashback to college” getting-ready sesh, which involved blasting “rap crap” music and being 5 deep trying to do our hair in the bathroom mirror, we were ready for the town.  The girls still wouldn’t let me know where we were headed, so when we got to the bar, Fizz Chicago, I just figured we were at a pub crawl.  But they led me upstairs to the Pub Theater, handed me a ticket and then ordered me a drink when the waitress came around.  There were about 80 people crammed into this little room, looking up at the stage.  And it was a rowdy bunch, ya’ll.

All of a sudden, the lights came on and a bunch of actors came out on the stage welcoming us to Bye, Bye Liver, Chicago’s “interactive drinking game” play.  I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in so long.  The actors put on skits about typical drinking scenarios and in between, they’d play interactive games with the audience.  And it all involved drinking.  It’s like sitting in the dorm room playing Kings all over again…but this time with a huge audience to drink along with.

By the time it was over, I was good and tipsy.  Which made it easier to go downstairs to the bar without feeling like a total dork wearing a sash, a whistle and a shot glass around my neck.  (Oh, and we also had candy bracelets that we were going to make money selling bites of, but I think we all literally ate our own candy bracelets.  I only hang with friends who like candy.  This should not come as a surprise, people.)

Keepin' it classy, ya'll


The rest of the night was a blur.  Here are the evening’s stats:

5:  different bars

2:  men who donned the Bachelorette sash at various points of the evening

3:  candy penises left at various, hilarious locations around the great city of Chicago.

Close your eyes, Grandma!

3:  times I heard Michael Jackson’s “PYT: Pretty Young Thing” and yelled “This is my song, dawgs!”

3:  guys who tried to pick me up while I’m wearing a damn bachelorette sash.  What’s wrong with you guys?

1:  guy who actually literally picked me up after he thought I could use a good minute of crazy square dancing.  FYI – you were creepy, dude.

5:15 a.m.:  our arrival time back at the condo.  Also proof as to why I needed this extra day off.

1:  very happy, very exhausted bride who went home to eat another piece of pizza and sleep it off on the couch that night.