I keep getting spam emails that say something along the lines of “Get her that engagement ring she’s always wanted.”  I mean, I appreciate the spam gods trying to help me get the most blinging-est of rings and all, but they ARE a little late for the party.  I mean…the tequila shots have already been passed around, I guess is what I’m saying.  Sorry, Jose, you weren’t on the invite list.  But I’d appreciate it if you could have someone come claim your cousin, Patron.  He’s still passed out in our bathtub.

Which is my awkward way of bringing up that we got our wedding bands.  Shazaam!  Check out that segway, folks!

Am I the only one who appreciates my sense of humor?  It’s a lonely world being a terrible comedian.

Anyhow, that’s my only news as of late.  Other than the fact that my stress level can now be seen by small aircraft carriers over the friendly skies of Milwaukee.

Let me run by you a small inkling into what my conversations with Tony have been lately.  If you want to check yourself into a psych ward after reading this, you’ll find you have a new appreciation for the kind of man Tony is.

“Tony, these centerpieces look weird.  Like the ornaments don’t go all the way to the bottom.  They need something.  Something gold.  No, it has to be gold, red won’t work.  How about this?  Yes, it absolutely needs this, so now we need 15 more, can you come to Michael’s with me?”

“These table numbers sort of compete with the centerpiece, don’t they?  Yeah?  No?  Tony?  You need to come look at this.  No, really, can you look now?  Can’t you pause the game?  Ok, good, look from over here.  No, here.  No, you’ll get a better view here.  Help me brainstorm how I can fix this, because I know you think about this wedding as much as I do and if the centerpieces aren’t right this whole thing will be RUINED!  Just RUINED!”

“I need you to get a new driver’s license so we can go get our wedding license on Thursday.  Do you know how I go about changing my last name?  This is so haaard, Tone.  This adult stuff sucks.”

“You want some special attention (wink, wink!) right now?  Can’t we just cuddle and talk about our feeeeeelings?!”

That last one is an actual conversation.  But usually it’s said more as a joke.  I said usually…

By the way – we are also accepting gift certificates to see a therapist as a wedding gift.  For Tony of course…