I am in love with Christmas.  I love getting together with family.  I love the excuse to eat…everything.  I love picking out the perfect gift for someone.

But there is one thing I have a sort of sick obsession with when it comes to Christmas.

The perfectly wrapped present.

Think I’m kidding?  I work part time at a gift shop.  I can wrap with the best of ’em.  Ribbons.  Glitter.  Bells.  It might just be a $5 dollar Subway gift certificate, but damn if it isn’t wrapped in $15 dollars worth of flash.

Let’s take a look at the evidence.

Exhibit A

It’s just a bunch of crumpled up newspaper and coal inside.  But you thought it was a 14k gold jogging suit, didn’t you?  Keep their hopes up with the beautiful wrap job.  Then psych them out with the coal.  Every Christmas I pump myself up with this motto.

You know that’s not true.

But what I’m about to tell you is.  And should also drive home a little something about my new husband.  He’s special?  Clueless?  The kid who ate the lead paint chips?  I’ll let you come to your own conclusion.

So I was once again staring at my lovely fake Walmart tree with all its fancy packages underneath when my attention was brought to a little present in the back.

You know?  Instead of explaining the story?  I think a photo might be more appropriate.

When asked, here’s the story I got.

Apparently he found only half of my wrapping paper.  Which had maybe 3 rolls of Christmas wrap and one roll of baby shower wrapping paper.  So to keep the variety, he decided it was totally and completely acceptable to wrap a Christmas present in baby shower wrap.  He LITERALLY didn’t see the problem.  In fact, I’m not sure he even realized it wasn’t Christmas wrap.

Really?

At first I thought…am I pregnant?

And then I thought…no, wait.  That can’t be.  I’d know before he would.  So scratch that.

And theeeeen I thought…does he want a baby?

And then I just laughed.  Because, if you knew this kid, you’d know whenever I mention Project Baby, he develops an eye twitch that is only cured with a hasty cigarette break and a mighty round of video games with the boys.

Nope, I decided.  Can’t think too much into this.  If I thought too much into all the things that kid does, I wouldn’t be able to leave the house.  Because I’d be rocking away in a corner somewhere.

So, from our new little household to yours.  Merry Christmas!  May it be full of happiness, family, and lions, monkeys and bears, oh my!

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