It’s no secret that winter is not my season.  And while I’m a rational person and realize if Wisconsin did not have snow then we’d have bigger problems to worry about, like, “holy shit, what’s up global warming?!,” I might just take global-warming Wisconsin over sucky-ass-neverending-snow-god-damnit Wisconsin.

Yeah, that’s right.  I hate winter that much that I’m actually wishing freakishly unnatural warming trends upon this great land.  Big middle finger to the scientists right there.

It doesn’t help that we’re getting the Sno-gasm of the century tonight.  Over 20 inches.  And 50 mph winds. 

It also doesn’t help that the snow service contracted to plow our apartment parking lots comes at 3:30 in the morning.  I have proof from last night.  The only thing stopping me from leaping through my non-sound-proof window panes at 4 in the morning and inflicting serious physical violence on them was thinking about how they probably had kids at home.  Must…think…of…the…children…gah!

With the snowpacolypse raging outside, the only thing I feel like doing is conforming my body into a small ball on the couch and self-diagnosing myself with the help of Grey’s Anatomy episodes.  McDreamy has helped me come to terms with my headache producing brain tumor.  I’m also worried I might have ebola.  I’ll let you know how that turns out.

In all seriousness, my mood usually starts to divebomb around this time of year in this part of the country.  Just in case my barrage of whiny, irritable complaints found in the beginning of this blog doesn’t illustrate the point well enough.  February is rough.  Usually I handle December because snow is pretty on Christmas and it makes Santa Claus, Rudolph and the baby Jesus happy.  I claw my way through January, and by February…forget all this noise.  I’m all up in  Travelocity’s grill, booking tickets to the equator.

On a bright note.  I have a snow day tomorrow.  Remember being a little kid, getting up at the buttcrack of dawn to watch the scroll bar of the morning news, eagerly searching for your school’s name to announce that it was closed.  And then you’d go back to bed for awhile, wake up and build snow forts all day outside? 

I get that kind of day tomorrow.  But replace snow forts with TLC marathons of A Baby Story and you have yourself a proper snow day, my friend.  Amen to that.

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