Oh my gawd, you guys…I never thought I’d be the mother who shoves pictures of my wee little mister down every stranger’s throat.  But here I am again, uploading cute photos to my blog.  Be thankful you aren’t my friend on Facebook ‘cuz I be all up in yer newsfeed, bitches!  Check out mah baybee!  Lookit him sleepin, yo!

I am using this blog as my own personal rolodex of wallet photos.  Because I’ve probably been de-friended in large quantities on Facebook lately.

Here’s the little bean during a photo shoot.  Why is he dressed like an elf in the middle of November, you ask?

Because honey badger don’t care.

No, really.  Because my parents would like to send out a Christmas card this year with his sweet little mug on it and asked that I dress him in Christmas garb.  So what do I do, but dress that little tater tot in every single damn Christmas item we own.  I wanted to make sure people got the point.  You know.  That it’s Christmas and all.  I think it reads well.

Before I subject you to the Spirit of Christmas explosion of red and green and elf booties and Santa hats, I should also tell you that Fox spits up a lot.

What does that have to do with this photo shoot?

Well, wouldn’t you know, the minute we dressed him, he puked all over himself.  And we’re not talking a dainty little spit up.  That little sucker horfed up his entire meal.  Multiple times.  I shit you not.

Because dressing him is like trying to baptize a cat, we weren’t about to take another 15 minutes trying to straighten out his little chicken wing arm to get it through another shirt, all while he’s screaming his head off and quivering that bottom lip.  I just couldn’t do it, ya’ll.  The bottom lip is my Kryptonite.  So on we went with the Christmas photo shoot.  Puke or no puke.

(We are lucky my husband is a graphic designer because puke is surprisingly easy to Photoshop out.  As you’ll see in some of the pictures below).

Merry Christmas from our little grinch, who wants everyone to know he was NOT on board with this whole photo shoot thing.  And the elf hat.  Was not on board with that either.

I’m so ready for all these damn holidays to be over so you freaks can stop finding reasons to dress me up.

Behold the power of Photoshop!  Erasing all evidence of puke, both big and small.

I think I made the “Nice” list this year.  At least, I’m cute enough to have any offences overlooked, anyway.

Wait.  Another photo shoot?  I will pay you both back one day in the form of a wild teenager.

I’m not kidding.  You guys are seriously lame.

Hmm…that’s an interesting prop.  I will now ignore you for 4 minutes while I contemplate this.

I am no longer as interested in this prop and will now proceed to be pissed at it.

Fine.  One blue steel shot.  Now dress me in something normal and put me in my swing with the birds that fly around so I can tell all my friends how uncool my parents are. 

Advertisements

So it’s that time of year.  Less than a week to Halloween and I have to start brainstorming creative ways to mix and match items in my closet to become some brilliant Halloween costume.

Ugh.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween.  I’m just always under-prepared.  And while it’s nice to use what’s available in my closet, I don’t exactly own a whole lot of clothing that could scream “Clown!”  Or “Witch!”  I gave up green and black striped tube socks years ago.  Ok, fine, last year.  But pointy hats will one day be in style again, mark my word.

Anyhow…I need some suggestions.  I thought it’d be clever to go as Bride of Frankenstein, because, well…duh…look up to the top of your screen.  But the thought of putting my hair through the trauma made my split ends scream in agony.

Besides, I’m 27.  If I’m not wearing something outwardly sexy, I’m just not trying hard enough.  Cowgirl?  Good idea, let’s make it sexy cowgirl.  Lawyer?  Lady lawyers wear sexy pencil skirts, yeah?  How about a construction worker?  They work in miniskirts right?  I feel like I might have read that in some safety handbook somewhere.

Any ideas?  You provide the outfit inspiration.  I’ll cover the shoes.